The Fear In Starting Over

Brandenburgs don’t give up! It’s one of our many family mottos. But sometimes, it can’t be helped. The decision is either out of our control or no longer in the best interest of ourselves or those we love. That’s when we have to refocus and decide whether or not to start over. So, The Doubling Project is starting over.

Pregnant, twenty-seven years old, and after five years of training in two different states, I tested for a first-degree black belt in Taekwondo. Only a few months after testing, I had to stop. Prescribed bed rest halted any further training, and then there was my brand new sweet baby girl, and new dreams, and life, and laundry, and . . . that was it. I just stopped. I didn’t quit. I just stopped.

July of last year, after watching my kiddos for nearly two years punching and kicking their way through mixed martial arts, I couldn’t stand it any longer. With the blessing of my hubby and the encouragement of the instructors at Family First Martial Arts, I jumped back in. They honored my black belt and set me in motion . . . sort of. I was afraid.

It’s not easy to start over, especially when sometimes you are the highest rank in the class, but clearly, need the most practice. I’m having to learn it all over again (and let me just tell you, the memory is not what it used to be either). I have to get over myself with every class and remind myself IT’S BEEN THIRTEEN YEARS, YOUNG LADY you’re not the ninja you used to be. (Will you look at those splits! I think I might have been a twenty-two-year-old blue belt in the pic below.)

When you are forty, the things you did as a twenty-seven-year-old are not as easy. In fact, after my third day of class, I could barely walk (Seriously, I was in so much pain it hurt to drive!). Since then, I have been in the ER with a sprained ankle, and most recently, I punched full force into a wooden cane and am still feeling the effects in my middle finger . . . it’s not purple or swollen, so I’m just dealing with it. This body is not what it used to be, and as a whole, neither am I.

But despite the fact that I have added a number of things to my mental list since I was twenty-seven–homeschooling, writing, teaching, blah, blah, blah–and should really be more mature and not so childish about the whole thing, I’m still afraid . . . afraid my instructors won’t think I’m working hard enough, afraid that I no longer deserve to wear the black belt of my previous training. And it’s not just the instructors! It’s the kiddos in my classes! They are amazing! Technically, I outrank most of these little people (I know . . . most of them are taller than me) but they know so much and teach me something every week! They are strong, brave, and driven–maybe that’s what I’m learning from them.

But you know what? I’m not going to give up. I’m just starting over. And starting over is a new beginning. It’s okay if it takes me a while–or years–to get the hang of it all again. I’m doing this because I made the decision to start over! I may get knocked down, or fall over–it happens, but I will get up again (cue Chumbawumba . . . I get knocked down, but I get up again . . .) because I chose not to give up, but instead . . . start over! Thirteen years later and this homeschooling author mom is starting over!

In February of 2016, we started The Doubling Project. Our goal was to double $1 twenty times. If we completed the task, we would find ourselves with ONE MILLION DOLLARS (No kidding, just do the math). We made it through round twelve, ending with $4,096. Along the way, we created a side account, surprised our children with a trip to Disney (I’ll tell you all about that in our next post, promise!) taught our kiddos how to earn for what they want, paid bills, and came to the revelation that Jamie could do this full time! Moment of truth . . . we were never able to invest the $4,096. We came to a point where we needed the money. We had bills to pay . . . it’s life . . . it happens. We held on, planning to earn the money through more buying and selling to pick up where we left off, but when doubling is now your primary income, raising money to finish the family project doesn’t seem like a priority.

“Let’s start over,” he said. I held my ears as Jamie told me all the reasons we should start over. “It would be easier this way.” No! I wouldn’t hear of it. Brandenburgs don’t quit! Then, I realized it. Just like my martial arts, sometimes you can learn from your mistakes (in my case–eating healthier might have kept me off of bed rest) and start over!

Oh, but the fear . . . We were supposed to make it to a million! We still can! What will people think? Hopefully, they will think, “Well, this sounds fun. Let’s join them!” What if we need to use the money again? Great! Use that fun money and START OVER!

So, the Brandenburgs are starting over. This time we plan to start with $5. The numbers will be easier to work with (not so much change this time). Eighteen times is all it will take. Did you read that? If we double $5 EIGHTEEN TIMES we will make it to $1 million! We will buy something for $5 at a yard sale, Goodwill, or auction and sell it for $10. Then we’ll take the $10, buy something else and sell it for $20 . . . and so on, and so on.

This time, we don’t want to do it alone. We want you all to join us! We are starting soon and going full force! Will you join us? We would love to share your adventures, encourage you, and cheer you to victory as you double your way to one million dollars! For those of the competitive nature (totally not me), it can be kind of a race to see who gets there first! We can all hit “Go” together! So, stay tuned for our official start date!

I’m so glad I got over myself . . . again. This is going to be SO MUCH FUN!

– Lauren

Related posts

Leave a Comment